New Improved ME...

Yes I know I haven't blogged in FOREVER... but I'm bacccck! What's new in my life? hmmm nothing interesting.. School started and can you saw EXHAUSTING??? As long as it's keeping me busy I will do whatever it asks of me. So on to what I really wanted to blog about....

 I woke up late this morning, so I didn't have any time to get ready. I hopped out the shower, moisturized, threw on my loud blue scrubs, pulled my hair back in a head band and headed out the door. (yes I brushed my teeth just forgot to add that in..) Scrubby right? Yes, I agree. But I was late and it's just school right? So I got to school thinking I was late (arrival time 8:25 class starts at 8:45) and opened my door and I hear a "pop". I look down and there she was... my iPhone... faced down on the hard pointy gravel of DEATH! YES my phone attempted suicide on September 13, 2010. Luckily she was unlucky in the act, however; she will need some plastic surgery to replace her broken nose and well her entire face. So as of right now she looks like a prostitute... she can still get the job done but doesn't look good doing it. My poor phone. I will try to get you that surgery ASAP... 

 On a lighter note, when I arrived to work today my co-workers complimented me on my outfit and said I have really cute style. This really shocked me because if you've seen me, I don't have style. My closet composes of t-shirts and mis-matched articles that I flip through magazines everyday in hopes of finding something that may resemble what I have. Then I'd throw it all together to "attempt" being stylish however it usually ends up disastrous. Therefore, I usually just wear t-shirts and jean and of course my most favorite outfit ever.. my scrubs. Anyways, so my co workers said that I had the cutest scrubs on and every time I come to work I always look so cute. This made me very VERY self conscious. Honestly I don't find my style appealing and I look horrid without make-up, and yes today I went without make-up. Which means I was a pale white zombie looking thing... lols. Anyways so I started reflecting on my looks and my style and I realize that the reason why I'm so self conscious of it is probably because I don't really take the time to be "girly". Or take the time to fix myself up and get to where I want to be physically. So... I made a promise to myself.. I shall start being more girly and paying more attention to my appearance. The only time that I'm ever concerned about my appearance is when I go out.. and that's rarely so it's time to be a GIRL. (but it takes sooo long to be girly...) lol

So tomorrow starts DAY one of OPERATION NEW ME: I hope I'll stick to it this time around. Any pointers on style.. holla.. ya girl needs some help!

p.s. I'd like to dedicate this song to Mr. DHN

good day blog.. another piece of me trying to get itself back to normal..

<3 Ngoccers

The Past is still very Present

I stayed up all night thinking about a quote I heard on t.v. yesterday.Thinking about how it affects me and how true it WAS for me months ago. I got over it but what got me was what happened this morning. So this morning I logged in to Facebook and there it was on someone's status:

"It's amazing how someone can break your heart but you still love them with all the little pieces"

 Now, I thought that was weird... That this quote I stayed up late at night reflecting on repeated itself elsewhere in my life. So yeah it's a cowinkydink that it appeared again but it made me really face the meaning. So I started to reflect... like really reflect and started to realize how this quote was the definition of the person I was months ago. How broken I was months ago but still loved him with every piece of that broken heart. How I forgave and forgot and how I still longed to be with him. Even though he ripped my heart, piece by piece, into this broken mess. 

 This brought me down in the dumps again.. but only for a second... but it did. Here I am single, Happy (for the most part) and free. But why do I still feel this void or emptiness when it comes to HIM. Someone who was a big part of my life for 7 years but who hurt me beyond explanation the last couple of years. I did love him with every piece of that broken heart. I felt like I swept it all into a pile and tried to hang on to that love. Why is it that I still miss him and want to be with him even after all this time? It's been a 2 year challenge to overcome this heartache and I'm in a good place in my life, but how come upon reading this quote all these emotions flow back in just like that. Who am I now... I'm Strong, I'm Happy, I'm Free! But this really scared me because in two minutes I went from who I am now to who I was a year ago. It made me realize that even though I'm where I am today.. I have a long way to go until I'm where I NEED to be. But thinking about this past makes me even stronger. I'm not bitter or regretful of this past because all in all it's helping me shape myself to be the person I want to be. So sometimes it's okay to reflect on that past. So long as it doesn't keep me down for too long.. and of course it didn't! Back to my guitar playing.. but until next time. Chao!  

Perfectly Broken

So I've been spending the past 7 hours trying to figure out if I should start a blog or not. What sparked my interest in blogging? I think the need for an outlet where I can piece together all the scattered thoughts and emotions floating around in my head. When I reflect inside it's like I'm looking at a broken mirror.. so hard to make out exactly what it is I am looking at. These images are perfectly broken but not one can give me a complete picture. I feel like each piece represents a different part of me and I hope I can take each and make it something new. So here's to this long journey ahead to find each piece of glass it's own shine..... Salute!!